Okay, so I was thinking this would be more…Top 10 tips on flying with a small child – a miracle post on how you could go on a carefree summer holiday with your child. But I quickly came to the conclusion that (in my experience), no matter the top tips and the tropical trips, it can still go t**s up.
Following a frantic dash to board, excess fluid consumption and 2 hours of a (heavy) 6-month-old breastfeeding/asleep on her lap, the need to urinate was denied by both the seatbelt light and the sleeping elderly passenger in the aisle seat. Luckily her ingenuity performed better than her pelvic floor. Nothing a giant muslin and a bit of concentration can't fix. "It's surprising how much one of those things can hold" she says. I suppose that is a tip of sorts.
2. When someone told me I needed to take my child to the hospital because he was so loud.
Yes…he cried and screamed THAT much on a flight that the woman behind us – trying to be helpful – approached me and said, “I don’t want to interfere, but I haven’t heard a child scream like that in 40 years and that was when my son had a double ear infection. I think you need to take him to the hospital when you land.” "Yes, I think you're right", I said politely. I couldn't bring myself to explain that he is just always that loud.
3. When an air steward remembered my screaming son.
It was only a 4-hour flight, so relatively manageable if it weren't for the scream-fest. Calyan was LOUD. The next day –glad to be back in the comfort and relative calm of home – I walked passed a neighbour and thought: “God, she looks familiar”, so I stopped to chat. It turns out she was the air stewardess on our flight. “THAT was the baby that screamed all the way?!” um…yup.
4. When Jo's food poisoning kicked in mid-flight.
Jo was so ill on her way back from Mexico that fellow passengers suspected she might be an Ebola victim. Luckily her partner and parents were flying with her and took care of her son while she lay on the floor in a space at the back of 'Premium Economy'. As the passengers queued for the nearby toilet, air steward – Liz Taylor – mopped Jo's brow and supplied a constant stream of sick bags. Nothing Premium about that.
5. When energy healers felt the need to step in.
When my son was just under a year old, he screamed all the way to America. All. The. Way. A woman approached me and wanting to help find the 'cause' of his distress said, “I am an energy healer and I am trying to 'scan' him to find out what’s wrong, but I'm not picking anything up.” Yeah. I know. There's nothing actually wrong. He's just very...vocal.
Happy holidays folks! Share your travel baggage here: